At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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