Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Randomize
