I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize