dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
They took my balls.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
