Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
