Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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