and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
