I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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