this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
