stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
