Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize