i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
