Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Randomize
