is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
My vagina is officially offended.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
