so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Randomize
