I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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