if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize