i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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