oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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