Your mouth is God's brothel.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
