Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
