Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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