Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
