I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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