wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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