Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
