i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
