just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
