You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
