Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
