Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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