i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Dick very happy bro
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