YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
