after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
