Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize