Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
