I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
