I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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