I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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