Me too!
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
The air taste purple.
Randomize
