Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
