last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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