Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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