He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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