Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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