So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize