Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize