garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
we made out on top of his cat.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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