i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
