He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
