Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
