Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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