I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
