He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
