Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
