i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
