Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
